Silver and Cold
by ABoxFullOfSharpObjects
Summary: TUE AU. I came here by day. But I left here in darkness. And found you, found you on the way. And now, it is silver and silent. It is silver and cold. You in somber resplendence, I hold... ][ Dark Gray sprinkles ][


**Author's Note:** This idea came to me quite a while ago. It's been sitting in my documents for a while without much being done to it. Before it just started to annoy me. Sitting there unfinished and full of holes. So I finally asked for help and did something with it.

EEG, I owe you a bunch of thanks for helping out with this one. Practically writing part of the end. I hope what I wrote doesn't disappoint you, or any of you.

**Timeline:** TUE AU. The future without Danny's or Clockwork's interference in it.

**Status:** Complete.

**Pairing:** Hints and sprinklings of Dark Gray.

* * *

Now isn't that just like a woman? Taking her sweet time doing something. Even if it's important. She knows I'm impatient. Just trying to piss me off further; and dammit it's working. I don't have time for this. I have a busy schedule, there's several people I have to kill before the sun goes down. She's holding up my plans! 

" Get up. "

Ignoring me is the worst way to become a melted mass of flesh. She's only allowed to do so because I have plans for her death. Normally, it's not something I have to worry about with dear Val. She'd only ignore a ghost if it were dissolving into empty space. Today, she must be feeling particularly rebellious.

" I know you hear me, Valerie. Rise. STAND UP! "

This is getting me nowhere. That massacre didn't help anything but relieve a little tension. I'm going to have to think bigger.How did I let her get me into this mess anyway?

My head tilts back to regard the sky as I start to recall how this happened, wondering if I missed anything important or forgot some detail...

* * *

I remember the chase. What a wonderful chase it was. She, just a few feet ahead of me. Me, coasting in front of her; flying backwards as I was known to do. I was much better at it by now than when I was younger. I would have been crashed into something by now. 

Not so much damaging as embarrassing.

Then I really would have to kill her.

Dodging a hailstorm of magenta and green, I continue to taunt her; as always. The fury on her face is most amusing, but I cannot forget just how dangerous she is. As proof of the oozing wound on my shoulder. Should have asked her to join us much sooner, back when I was, you know, weak and easy. That aim would have helped me cream Sam and keep Tucker's mouth shut for at least a week.

An idea sparks, as I finished the stray thought. Something to make this fight more interesting. Don't get me wrong, they're always interesting. Valerie is the only one that provides a challenge. The only one I can truly rage on.

I'm going to miss these little excursions when I do finally blow her away. It's going to be a wondrous occasion. Maybe I'll celebrate by destroying something else.

Like her house.

" Tell me, Valerie, do you miss _him_? " She doesn't even consider what I have to say before she attacks. But this is Valerie, I know not to stop moving while speaking to her. Losing sight of her is also a big mistake. She was good before, but she's great now. " Do you think about him after you've miraculously escaped me again? When you're hiding under your shield, do you think about what it could have been like if I didn't exist? If I had _spared _him? If I didn't _tear _him apart and use his blood to paint the interior of your supplier's home? It really was a beautiful display of blood spray. Should'of been there. "

That has the desired reaction. She. Is. Pissed. When she's pissed, she's just vicious. If I had my humanity still, I'm sure I'd be slightly turned on. But I don't, so I'm not. Too busy ducking and dodging to do anything about it anyway. Two weapons at once, and a missile launcher. I should be worried that she's only missing with them because I'm moving out of the way. But this is just too much fun. " Do you think about him at night? All alone behind your little shield? "

" Stop talking. Stop talking. STOP TALKING! I'll blow your ghostly head SKY HIGH! " For a minute, I'm surprised her hair doesn't turn to flames and her eyes don't turn red. A sharp boost of speed, and I'm gut-checked by the massive metal sled she flies upon. What's worse, is I have to get over the shock quick, to move off the board and NOT get blasted in the face by hot green ectoplasm.

Too bad I don't.

The solid brick against my back is hard and warm from the sun. Well, it was solid brick until I slammed into it; it's pieces of brick now. With a sweep of my hand, I dispel the smoke I caused with my impact. Only to find myself face to face with the glowing innards of an extremely large cannon.

Thinking back, I'm not really sure how she's holding that up by herself. It looks like I would have trouble with it. But then again, I did sort of piss her off. Wisconsin logic must be seeping into my thought process.

But thank God for good old Amity Park luck.

The blast came, and I went straight down. Not fast enough, my shoulders were singed and my vision was severely screwed. Everything looked white and bright to me. I couldn't see anything, or hear anything; on account of the ringing in my ears.

She got me good. And I knew it.

As soon as the ringing dimmed out and my vision began to clear, I darted around behind her. She was checking the wreckage of the building, but not without holding that cannon on her shoulder and moving about to keep from being stationary. My eyes could see clearly, but were just as quickly clouded over with red. That fucking gun actually did some damage. If she hit me with that enough, it might do me in.

" NOW YOU'RE IN TROUBLE! "

My hands had whipped up with crackling green energy before I knew it; right first then left Rage does that to you, I find. The thin lines of green, hot ectoplasm made an X; slicing through one of the engines plus the body of her rocket-jet-sled-thing. I never did learn the proper name for it. She did try to dodge it, which is why I only hit the engine and not the whole thing. But she was going down anyway.

I couldn't be more amused, rage melting from her body flying off the sled as it, and her spiraled towards the ground. I heard her landing more than I saw it, the explosion next to her from her transportation finally giving out.

I waited a few seconds before descending to continue our fight. I knew that fall and that explosion would only delay her for a few minutes. She'd have a new board by the next time we fought, probably not better, but well enough. Maybe even new toys too. It would make killing her all the more satisfying.

Smoke clears, and I can see what remains of her jet sled in a pile of metal parts. The cut is clean in half; the engine half a short distance away from the other half. It's gleam is gone, burned black in some places, a hole or two in some places. Electrical wires sticking out and wiggling like snakes with crackling fangs.

For a moment, I wonder if she's escaped already. I don't see her anywhere, not even the sound of footsteps. Where the hell did she go?

" Valerie? "

I'm struck with a revelation. That large piece of the board that was still whole. She could be hiding under that, or have used it to hide and escape underground. Those tunnel entrances are everywhere I think.

The grin that crosses my face is wicked. " Although, dodgeball was more my style when I was young and weak...No one can beat a ghost at hide and SEEK! " A hot shot of ectoplasm sends the board piece skipping across the ground like a stone over water.

" Ah...Here you are. Well, don't just lay there like a human burning to death. Go ahead and try to shoot me while I'm not paying attention. "

Any minute now, I'm waiting for her to roll over quick and attempt to blast me in the face. Or drop a grenade at my feet. What was that she did last time, blow a hole in my mid-section with her wrist mounted rocket launcher?

She hasn't moved yet. I never claimed to be even-tempered, but now I'm even less patient. " Get on with it! "

Still nothing. She's on her right side, facing away from me. I don't dare get too close, or kneel down by her. That's the best way to get shot. That's her plan. To make me crazy, waiting for her to do something.

" Get up! "

It's quick, my foot launching back, then firing forward to catch her in the middle of her back. Her body skids over the flaming wreckage and against the ground with a metallic sound. Hm...Found one of those underground entrances, did she? I haven't chanced going underground, being intangible and invisible and blasting is a chore, not to mention it's very easy to get disoriented and forget which way is up.

" This possum act is all very well and good, but I'm getting bored. Come with your sneak attack already woman! "

My order goes unanswered. Now I'm the one getting pissed off.

" MOVE! "

Index and middle finger aim together to send a pinpoint blast right next to her neck. Enough to burn the black collar of her suit off.

Still nothing. Nothing at all. She must be unconscious. But that burn or a close enough blast usually rouses her. She must have hit her head pretty hard. Yeah, that must be it. I just have to be a little patient. Turn intangible and wait from...oh...I'll pick the ruins of that building I got blasted into.

My back propped against the wall, I made sure to put myself in a position where I can see her from up here, but she can't see me from down there. Without her sled, there's no way for her to get here, either.

At least this way, I can meld up before I really pound her human frame with all my vengeance. She thought she was in pain before, or even right now, when I get done, she'll be begging me to let her die.

I'm unaware that I've fallen asleep until I actually wake up. My lesser wounds have healed. The stinging soreness in my chest has all but disappeared. I must have slept for a good many hours. The sun is in the process of going down. When I found this place to rest, it was still high above my head.

I feel almost giddy as I hover from my place to a perfect vantage point. Valerie must be gone by now, headed off in any direction other than the one she thinks I'm in. My eyes close, in case she hasn't risen yet, or thought of running, or tried to fix her board. I give her...about twenty-five seconds before I look down at her.

What the hell...?

She's still lying there. Just...lying there. In the exact same position I left her in. No one stays unconscious like that, that long! I know, I've seen them! Hell, I've _been _them!

Wait.

I know what this is.

She tricked me.

That's it.

With even more giddiness than I had before, I fly over to hover right above her prone " form ". I should have thought of this sooner. After all, Val's a smart girl, resourceful. This was probably supposed to keep me watching and waiting for hours. Or drive me as crazy as I had been before my rest.

" A hologram. You've outdone yourself, Valerie. I'm almost impressed. " My foot raises, as I expect it to go right through the vision of the woman before me.

But it doesn't.

The mass below me is solid. Solid flesh.

" Why aren't you moving! Do something! I know you can hear me! VALERIE! "

Growling at her, isn't getting me anywhere. This doesn't make sense, why isn't she moving? Why hasn't she gotten up yet? I know she's not in a coma. That requires you to still be breat-

No.

No, it can't be.

She's not dead. She's NOT dead.

" Valerie. VALERIE! "

An unfamiliar feeling of cold apprehension bubbles in my chest. I'm on the ground next to her, grabbing her by her shoulders and shaking. " WAKE UP VALERIE! " The back of my hand meets her cheek with a loud slap.

I'm shocked by what I find out by doing so. She feels cold. Cold as I feel. Cold as death. NO! Not death. ICE! Cold as ice!

She doesn't make a sound. Doesn't move except her head turning to the side. Her eyes don't open. Her chest isn't rising and falling. I can't feel air moving from her nose or mouth. Pressing my head to her chest, I don't hear a heartbeat.

When did she stop breathing?

That cold feeling of apprehension in my chest expands and I feel like I'm about to start shouting and flying apart at the seams. Something that hasn't happened in a long time, occurs. I turn myself invisible; momentary loss in control. I don't even realize I've done it until something else happens right before I'm going to turn back.

That large metallic covering that Valerie's laying on starts to blink and buzz. Then it rises out of the ground, her body slides off the edge of it and drops right in front of the open space for entering and exiting. Someone's coming up from the underground. I'm half tempted to just shoot it, maybe another explosion will wake Valerie. But maybe these humans can do something I can't. Like CPR. That requires lungs and breathing. Lungs I have, air I don't.

" What are you doing, Sealey! He could come back at any moment, we'll all be blasted straight to hell because of your damn compassion! She can take care of herself, just leave'er there! " Someone shouts from inside. Leave her indeed, I dare you. Let her die, I'll paint that interior with your brain matter.

A female appears, brown hair, brown eyes, fair-skinned. I don't know her, but I don't care. If she can wake Valerie, she gets to pick the way she dies. " It's the ghost hunter girl! She's been protecting us with her life, we OWE her big time. C'mere, give me a hand, I think she's hurt bad. "

The cowardly human male appears. Black hair, green-eyed. I thought I killed all the blackheads in this town. They remind me of what I used to be, therefore bring anger. Note to self, send a big bang into the tunnels. " Sealey, are you nuts? " Despite his cowardice and obvious aversion to doing so, the male inches out. I'm right above their heads, watching like a hawk. If either one of them cause her to die, I'll come down on them three different ways. Hard, fast, and frequent.

" Oh man, she's hurt bad. DAD! " What is it with female's a screaming? God damn. I stop myself from blasting her head off just by the gathering of energy at the end of my fingertips.

Down boy. Prey first. Playthings later.

Another human comes out. This one older. Cripes, how long is this going to take? I was right in the middle of my vengeance goddammit. " Oh my...that's the young lady that protects the city. What happened to her? "

Gee. I wonder. Let's think about that. Hm...Maybe, _I_ happened to her?

I hate people.

The older man kneels near Valerie. He rolls her over, and checks her vitals. Pressing his hand to her throat, her head, her chest. (The last one making me twitch–You're supposed to check her, not feel her up!) They're all running out of time. " ...Sealey. Go get your mother. And some of the stronger boys. "

" Dad. What's wrong? Can't you help her? "

" Don't ask questions, Sealey! Go! "

That does not bode well. I watch the female dash inside, the blackhead move closer to aid the older male. This is taking too long, I'm gonna blast you both straight to hell in the next two seconds if somebody doesn't do something to wake up Valerie!

The girl returns, with a whole crowd behind her. Fucking rubber-neckers. They all crowd around Valerie and the old man so much that I am forced to hover to see enough. Why aren't they doing anything? You're all supposed to be doing something! Don't just stand there like shot dummies, help her!

" Daddy, they're here. What do you want them to do? " The female asks. Frankly, I'd like to know too. Let's see that wondrous human ingenuity at work for something other than escape.

The father shakes his head and brings both his hands together. " Be very careful with the body. "

No...

" I want you all to carry her down, and lay her on the middle of the flat stone. Call everyone together. "

No...

" We must honor her with a proper burial and memorial.."

NO.

" ...For all that she has done for us, all the fighting and protecting. "

...NO! NO. NO. NO!

" GET AWAY FROM HER! " I can't control my rage any longer. These fools don't know anything! Useless waterbags! My form is presented with blazing white fury. I would later remember my reflection in the metallic surface next to me, my eyes were the brightest red I had ever recalled them glowing.

Ectoblasts left and right, I don't care what I hit as long as I hit someone. Everyone is going to pay for wasting my time! She's not DEAD! She's NOT DEAD! I didn't tell her to die! She can't die unless I say so!

They're trying to take her away; move her underground where she thinks she'll be safe from me. " Oh no you don't! You've never escaped that easily and you won't now! " Another one of my well executed X blasts slices right through the entrance to the underground haven.

I land right in their path. I must look like a demon. But I don't care. Waterbags that can't tell me anything or help Valerie. She's the only useful one. Everyone else gets hot ectoplasm. I haven't thought of how exactly I'm going to kill Valerie, she'll have to get up first. I have my best ideas when I'm in the middle of something.

I'll think later. Right now I'm too mad.

" Get away from her. " I won't say it again. They're already about to die and a flash of green. I'm giving them the chance to die as their own private melt spots on the ground instead of one collective stain on the pavement.

The old man steps forward. " Phantom please. She is your only foe, the only one who has stood against you for so long. Allow us to bury her and– "

" QUIET! " The back of my hand against his face feels so good, I think I'm going to do it again. Ah. That's much better. But I'm still angry. They're still holding her, still touching her, getoffgetoffgetofgetoffgetoff! " None of you are doing anything to help, and for that you must die! Get away from her! GET AWAAAAAAAAAAY! "

All I wanted was to destroy everything in front of me. Everything must be annihilated beyond recognition. My body only knows one way to do that in the state of rage I'm in. My ghostly wail. It doesn't even dawn on me the possible meaning for me feeling the urge and giving in to use my wail on these people. A blast would do the same amount of damage with less time waiting for my energy to regenerate. Instead, I choose to wail.

I wailed.

I wailed for her.

Ghosts only do that when...NO! She's not dead! Stop thinking like that! You didn't kill her yet, she's not dead! She's just...out cold and they're not helping!

My wail sends them all flying, a few of them land in awkward angles, some of their heads burst from the density of my sound waves. Others land on debris at the angle to be impaled. Some of them just break apart. They all deserve it. EVERYONE MUST DIE!

My rampage gives me hope for Valerie's quick return. When she wakes up and realizes what I've done while she's been unconscious, the chase will start again. She has to hear all their screaming and the blood, the smell of death and burnt flesh. She'll be up in no time, coming after me with everything she's got fruitlessly.

Every last one of them has become a part of my masterpiece on the asphalt. Brain matter here, blood spray there, organs here and there. It looks amazing. I should have been an artist. This should really piss her off. She'll make another mistake and I can finish her in whatever ingenious way I happen to think of.

My boots squish in the blood that I've landed in. She's gotten some on her. Oh, she's not going to be happy about that. " Well? What are you going to do now, hunter? All your precious humans are dead around you! Just like Danny. Just like Sam and Tucker. Just like my parents. Just like Jazz. Just like Lancer, and just like you're going to be! "

Absolutely nothing.

" You, girl, are a HORRIBLE ghost hunter. "

* * *

Nothing new. Hmph. I'm going to have to move her. Put her someplace where she has a front row seat to all the destruction I'm going to cause while she's sleeping on the job. Also a place where I can see immediately if she has awoken. It'll have to wait until tomorrow. There's no light left in this place now that I've bombed it. 

She's not heavy. But as I remember, she never was. I imagine it's got something to do with all the work she puts her body through and maintaining balance on that jet-sled. Plus my strength. She could weigh as much as that board and her guns combined and I'd never know. She still feels cold. I'll have to put her somewhere warm. That should help her wake up.

Someone's house, someone's house...Any house will do. Hmm...That place has a pretty good view of the street. That'll do. A quick burst of energy to turn us both intangible, and we're inside. I dump her body on the nearest thing, which just so happens to be a couch. Only when I'm turning around to leave do I notice the red stain on my pants.

It's fresh, on account of I can wipe it off. It's blood. I was sure I didn't get any on me during my massacre. Must have come from Valerie. My foot pushes her body onto it's side so I can see. Yeah. She's bleeding from the back of her head. It stopped though. That means she'll be waking up soon hopefully.

If she's in a coma, I'm gonna be pissed, and bored for days. I'll have to waste her like that. How anticlimatic.

" I'm going to cause more destruction. The longer you sleep, the more I get to cause. I know you're not dead. I know they're all wrong. They don't know you like I do, they don't know that you can be tricky like this. They're fools, but now they're all dead. It's your own fault. Should have been awake. "

* * *

If I had known that she was going to be sleeping for such a long time, I would like to think I would have just blasted her right then and there to save myself the trouble. But I know I wouldn't. I've had elaborate plans and ideas on just how to kill her. She's the only one left. She has to die a special way. That's why she can't be dead now. 

This must be the eighth time I've returned to this place in the past two hours. That's just today. Yesterday, I watched her until I fell asleep. I can't stand it. I can't stand waiting for that damn jet-sled-rocket thing to approach and never hear it coming. I can't take destroying things without hot ectoblasts grazing my face and my body. No freshly drafted insults to wound my pride or incite my anger.

She's still just laying there; in the same position I left her in. While I've taken to pacing impatiently in front of her. " Why won't you move? You have any idea the amount of annoyance you're putting me through? I'm not a patient ghost, Valerie! More and more people are going to die the longer it takes you to get up. So stop it and just stand up already! I didn't kill you, so you can't be dead! You can't be dead! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME! "

Nothing.

No answer.

Not even a, " Shut up. Can't you see I'm trying to heal? "

But...this is Valerie. She's always got something to say, some way to let me know that I haven't won yet. That I haven't killed her yet. Something to let me know the hunt was still on and a kill was still fresh on the way.

Slowly, and carefully, I don't want to get blasted in the face, I kneel near her. There's no good way to take a shot to the face. There's nothing anyone could tell me that would make me think otherwise. That is some of the most painful kind of pain you'll feel.

She's still not breathing. That's not good. It's been way too long. Humans can't go that long without breathing. It's dangerous! " Hey! STOP THAT! I mean...START THAT. I...DO SOMETHING! "

My hands rise to grab her shoulders and just shake the life out of...Shake life into her. But I...I can't...I don't want to...

In my moment of weakness, Wisconsin logic seeps in. She is dead. She is dead because I killed her. I killed her...But I wasn't trying to! Honest! It was an accident! I didn't mean to kill her! Valerie, GET UP!

Get up...

She...She's not going to get up...is she?

It doesn't dawn on me that I've slumped over until I press my head to her still chest. Silent. Still. She hasn't moved an inch since I laid her here. She stopped bleeding a long time ago, I can recognize old blood when I see it.

I killed Valerie.

I _killed _**Valerie.**

Oh God. I killed Valerie...Now what I will do all day? Who will chase me and who will I chase back? Who will I have to work to defeat and make plans to destroy? Who will stand up to me? I'll tell you who, NO ONE! No one else will. No one else is brave enough. Not one single person underground has the slightest amount of courage she had.

Again I want to shake her! Make her stand up and yell at me! Shoot at me! I'd give anything for her to just call me, " Ghost" in that hateful way one more time. I want to see the hate in her eyes directed at me! You're ruining a perfectly good death, you little bitch. I had plans for you! Great plans! Vlad would have cried if he would have seen what I planned for you!

But that's...not going to happen now, is it? And no matter how angry I get, you're still not going to move, are you? You're really dead, aren't you Valerie? I really killed you...

My hand rests over her cheek. She's so cold. The last time I did this...I had her pinned against a building, she was angry, so very angry. I could feel it burning off her in waves. She was hot and raging, like a wildfire under glass. She was...alive...

Unconsciously, my hand moves, stroking her cheek; searching for heat futilely. Something, anything to tell me that I'm wrong, that this feeling is wrong. But there is nothing to be found, and I know that. " ...If I still had my human weakness...I'd be saddened by your death. But I'm not. And though, you didn't die the way I wanted you to, I won't miss you. "

That last little barb...a last ditch effort, or perhaps, just getting it out of my system, now? There's nothing else for me here. Her body has been unsettled long enough. I stand, hovering just a few inches from the floor in front of her. She looks just like she's sleeping. I'm sure where she is, she's fighting me, maybe beating me. Or maybe I'm not even there at all?

My hand stills over her cheek, and I lean forward to rest my cold forehead over her cold forehead. She still smells like she used to. She smells liked ash and plaster and blood and ectoplasm. I have to do this now, or I don't think I ever will.

" Goodbye Valerie. "

* * *

I'm floating backwards before I know it, soon on the other side of the building. Then another, and another; I don't stop moving until there's several buildings between us. The distance I need. If I had to do this up close, I know I couldn't. 

What...what the...?

There's wetness on my cheek. Is it about to rain? My head lifts, craning this way and that; looking for the cloud that's responsible. But it's a cloudless blue sky. This angers me more than it should. I'm honestly not that fond of rain. But the fact that it isn't raining right now doesn't sit well in my mind.

" What mocking! " My head turns to yell at the sky, " All of you up there should be crying your eyes out! Your precious Angel of Protection, Vengeance, whatever the hell you want to call her, fell today! What kind of friends are you! What kind of ungrateful victims! She was human, dammit! Human and she stood up to me longer than any of you! "

More wetness. But there's no clouds. I don't understand. Where is the water coming from if it isn't falling from the sky? My hand rises to brush the wetness off my face; only to find it replaced by more. What manner of trickery is this? Am I losing my mind? More wetness, more and more wetness. Where is it coming from!

My eyes...

It's coming from my eyes. This wetness, it's leaking from my eyes. I...I'm crying...I'm crying. I haven't cried since...the accident. I didn't even know I could still cry. I thought I forgot how. I've never had the need to before. I don't believe this, I'm crying? That means I still have emotions! That means I'm still...I'm still weak. I can't be weak! I have to be strong, I have to be the strongest! I have to stop feeling! I have to stop feeling to make the hurt go away!

Hurt...I...I hurt...That cold feeling in my chest. The one I had earlier when I first suspected Valerie was dead, it's back again. It's so heavy this time, I couldn't ignore it if I tried. Making the hurt go away...It was the only reason I was able to face Valerie in combat so many times. I...We...She was...I thought I was over it. I thought I was perfect now. I had killed others, Dash, Paulina, Star, Kwan, and nothing like this had ever happened before.

She was the only one left! I shouldn't feel like...

Valerie...

She was...the only one left...

The realization, the weight of those words is enough to bring the ground under my feet. I can't focus on flying anymore. I can't...stop...feeling. It feels like there's ice in my stomach. Everyone else that was that close to me, when I was weak, was gone in that explosion. I thought. I thought with Valerie's murderous intent towards me, I had extinguish anything left for her. But I just made it worse...toying with her all these years, I just made it worse. I replaced the relationship we used to have with the one we have...had now.

She was still an integral part of my life. Both parts, she's the only one that lasted so long in both parts.

Now she's gone...

* * *

I still feel it. I'm hurting like I used to. Over Valerie. I'm hurting over Valerie. The last person that could stand up to me, the last person from my past, the only one that remotely understood me...Gone. I... 

I can't fall to pieces now. There's work to be done. Those humans were right about one thing. She does deserve something proper. But I can't go back there. Not again. I can't look at her again. I won't. My eyes leak enough as it is, seeing her again, I know will cause even more.

My hand raises. From here, I'll do it. And this place will be her memorial. Where all our battles have been, where my massacres have existed. And now...where she died. Yes, I'll make this place a beautiful pile of destruction. This will be her grave, and I'll do my best to make it worthy of her.

Memories threaten to surface; this stalls my impending blast. Those that I had thought were gone forever, both mine and some of Vlad's. I didn't realize how many times he made her happy with gifts and praise. Another emotion I could swear was terminated, and I make a note to go find him and finish some business later.

I used to be crazy about that girl. She was mean, she was vicious. Just as she is...was now. Then she lightened up, and I was glad for that. There were times when she would catch me staring and smiling at her in that goofy way all teenage boys do, and she would return it, and wave. It took all of my concentration not to melt into a pile of hormonal, happy ectoplasmic goo.

Heh, my hand lowers as the memories play back in my head. Things were so complicated then. I had to worry about everyone. Now...they're all gone. It was my fault, these powers that made my friends and family go away. Now...the only one left, the one I thought would last possibly as long as I did, but not really, she's gone too. Again, it's my fault.

I killed Valerie. It was an accident. I didn't mean to. I didn't want her to die. Not like that. There were times I wondered if she could be killed. Other times when I was positive I had killed her. Now this... No. Not like this. I didn't want this.

I think I'm still crying. I can't stop myself, I'm not even trying anymore. There's no point. It doesn't matter, no one can see. I wouldn't care if they did. No one matters anymore. Out of all the people I've blasted and hit, she's the only one that kept coming back. Why didn't you come back this time? It could have been the same. We could be fighting right now. Why'd you have to make it different?

Valerie...

" Valerie..."

I could have loved you, woman! I could have. I know my human half did. It was the warmest thing in that body. Exactly what woke me up when I was ripped away. That cold absence. I wanted to love you. And I hated you because I couldn't! You wouldn't let me. Part of that isn't your fault. Part of it is mine. If I had a better idea of what I was doing with that damn dog...If I had protected you from Vlad, I could be going home to you right now. You could have accepted me. We could have been together. Tucker and Sam would have learned to accept you, or go without me. My mom and dad would be happy for us. Jazz...Jazz would have taken some getting used to. But she would understand. She would be happy for us too.

Or maybe you would have given into me one day. Surrendered yourself? I wonder if it is possible for you to grow tired of these humans, putting themselves in such situations knowing what I will do to them. Fighting them with you by my side...Not even Clockwork would dare try and stop us.

Or maybe, I wouldn't be using my powers at all. If we were somewhere without ghosts, I wouldn't need to use them. We could be together without complication. Just her and me, some place of our own. I could be an astronaut. She could...be anything frankly. So long as Vlad didn't try and ensnare her in his business.

I would have settled for any of those. I didn't want this life. I didn't ask for it. But I didn't have a choice. It was thrust upon me when I was thrust out. Everyone else was gone, yet I found myself clinging to you without knowing it. Valerie...

Valerie...

" VALERIEEEEEEEEEEEE! "

I'm filled with more emotion than I ever remembered feeling in my life. All of it boiled to a volatile point and released itself. The scene before me is as if a bomb hit. There is absolutely nothing left but rubble; piles of steel and brick and more steel. Smoke rises from the heated piles as my voice dies down. I don't need to look, I don't even have to guess. I know Valerie is buried under there. It's more than I did for my family. I buried her this time. I laid her to rest. Oh God, I feel it again...

I wailed. I wasn't even trying to. I wasn't angry. I wasn't trying to destroy or kill anything. But I wailed. I wailed so much that I feel as drained as I did the first time I did it. This astounds me. I haven't just...wailed since I learned how to control the power. Ghosts only wail like I did...wail for someone else...when the person has died.

But that's ridiculous! I'm not a banshee!

I don't miss her! I won't miss her!

I'm not...!

I am a sad ghost.

And I'm wailing over the death of the only one left. My last tie to my humanity. The one my emotions rested with. She's gone, and I killed her, and I can't take it back! I know, I shouldn't be feeling like this, I'm not weak like I used to be. But it doesn't stop the feeling. It doesn't stop my urge to wail again.

" AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! "

There's nothing left to destroy. All my wail does this time is expel the last of my energy, and move the debris slightly. I can't even stand up anymore. I can't hold back the flood that comes forth without my defenses. I'm not even crying, it's hard sobbing. It's a good thing I don't need to breathe, because there's no way I'd be able to with the way I'm going at it. I'm crying so hard, so much, I can't stop, I don't want to stop. I just need...to cry.

" Forgive me...I'm still weak..."

This is all I have left.

She was all I had left.

* * *

_" Your sins into me_

_Oh my beautiful one now._

_Your sins into me!_

_Whoa!_

_As a rapturous voice, escapes I will tremble a prayer,_

_and I'll beg for forgiveness._

_Your sins into me._

_Your sins into me._

_Oh my beautiful one..._"

**-AFI**

* * *


End file.
